Poetry

Linggo

Mula sa malayo
Tinatanaw ang iyong pagdating
Bawat hakbang mong papalapit
Alam kong hindi aabot sa akin
Ang mga tingin mong lumilihis
Na wari’y nakatitig sa kawalan
Buti pa sa hangin ay may ngiti
Hindi mo ba nararamdaman?
Ang sikat ng araw na dumadampi
sa iyo ay nakikita ko palagi
Hindi man makatingin ay
nakikita kita at iniisip
Ninanais kang makilala
Sa isang oras kada linggo
Ngunit wala pa mang umpisa
ay tiyak nang mabibigo
Isang kahibangan at
mababaw lamang ito
Ang umibig ako
Mula sa malayo


It’s a hot summer again in the Philippines, and I wish I was spending it differently.  But there is comfort in the sadness and nostalgia from my childhood as I am spending this summer just like I always did before; mostly at home, writing, on my own, and with a burning, silly crush on a boy whose name I know but whom I don’t know.  Silly.  A little part of me is ashamed that I still do this, but most part of me is ashamed for being even a little bit ashamed of myself.  I should get over it.  I am this, and maybe this is my thing.  Not maybe, this is my thing.  I have a silly crush, and it’s all right.  I should stop overthinking it and just write it out.  I was supposed to publish a different poem in English, but it couldn’t quite capture the frustration, sadness, pain, and craziness that I feel. So here goes a Filipino one.


Photo from @vonmedeza.

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Poetry

#27 nothing, no one, yet

you’re asking me to start
just to start again a year from now

you’re asking me to meet
embrace a person and open up
just to have him leave and say,
“he taught me a lesson”

you’re asking me to try
like i have never been before
just to get half of what i hoped for
and say, “i grow better in pain”

you’re asking me to believe
over and over, with no one
as witness but myself
Will it matter in the end?
is it okay to finally want the
credit i deserve?

nothing is constant but change
no one is consistent but Ache
nothing, no one, yet

i am growing wary
holding on for a reason,
unfortunately, still
i got reason
It’s heavy.

Poetry

The Sunset Collection

How are you?  This one-week break is coming to a close.  It is Friday now as of writing.  Instead of finishing my lesson plans in advance, all I have been doing are to catch up with Stranger Things and to write.  This “collection” is one perfect example.  I originally posted these short pieces on my Twitter account with one photo of a sunset I took (except the featured one, which was taken by my bestrfriend, Von).  

My friends know that I love the color orange, and whenever they would ask why, I would say, “Orange like the sunset.” I am in love with the sun. I love the fact that it rises in the morning and sets at dusk. It happens everyday. Maybe I love it because it is constant. I have known only a few things that are as constant as the sun….


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those nights are over
these, with you, are new
we’ll talk about it, things
that people don’t usually do
i will steal glances of you
until you see me trustworthy
hum songs at the side
hear the sound of your smile
there could be a nicer place but
i’ll make here worth the while

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dress you up in my head
i want something real
not just an idea of something
so i undress you again
how can i see you
if you don’t like what you see
yourself? trust me, i don’t
like my mess, too. but to choose
to bare and to stay after
is the greatest peace. babe.

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i wish i could say
you understood me
in the way i want you to;
Hold me like that,
Kiss me like this.
Should you have stayed,
would i have been able
to communicate?
You were not what I need
I don’t need anyone,
but I wanted to, you.
Wasn’t that enough
to be, my love?

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Fresh air in your lungs,
Breathe me in.
You send me shivers
after-shock electricity.
New words in my head
half of them you activate-
flow, softer, dance,
you, move, enthralled,
dream, seen, bliss,
I, blown, free.
Listen.

Do not worry,
let’s just breathe.

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we wake up and go
waiting for something to stick,
hoping for someone to stay
in this life that never slows
down. Do you know?
The sun sometimes dim,
the moon sometimes hides,
but like the sun everlasting,
they are never really gone.
I want to be like a Song to you.
One that you never forget,
that Poetry stuck in your head.
so the next time you are here,
Wake up with me and Stay.

Poetry

#26 Love me

Love me;
Sprawled around and all over
the wirings inside my head.
I am trying to be brave for this
but I just keep thinking
You would cease to love me
if I’m weak. When I’m weak

love me.
Do not take it against me.
I am a girl who’s unruly
A woman of your dreams, too.
I can’t stop worrying
I am not loving you enough.
Am I enough? when I am not,

you have to love me.
It doesn’t get easier, we’ll see
everything’s changing.
Ground me constantly
and I will keep choosing
You. Over and over again.
Forever be singing, love, you.

Poetry

#25 anything, something

it is who you meet on
a Thursday night
when you said,
“I am not going out.”

it is the mundane
in the new name
a new sound you’ll remember
the morning after

when every detail is matched
with a new pair of eyes
a brand new smile
you got to stop

for a while

it is your self
who you are so afraid
how hope gets in the head
daydreaming
of brand new attachments
that only cause heartache

it is how nothing starts
and everything begins with you
i wish i could tell you
anything, something
other than, “Stop it.”

Love, go ahead.


Photo by vonmedeza.

Poetry

#24 Proof

these days i stare by the windowpane
waiting for some proof to settle on me
it’s true i still think of you daily, but
my heart knows it not to be intentionally;
you are all i know.

these days i sit by myself
asking, “have I let go of all of the pain?”
as the past come rushing through my head
i am not going to cry again;
i just need something new.

these days i listen to the songs
whose face should i be dreaming of?
i try to picture you, but i couldn’t buy it
i tried again, heart is disappointed;
you are not who i need.

these days i can feel the sun
i marvel at the beauty of the night
the darkness tries to pull me in
snatching all proof that i am better now;
i can never let it win.


Photography unknown.

Poetry

#23 Because

Because I did
Because I thought I could and
jumped head-first off the bridge,
I was afraid.

Because of hope, blinding as it was,
I saw a future that’s bright
I looked forward to the days,
It was bliss.

Because of love, the idea of it
infiltrated my system and
poisoned my mind,
It was love.

Because, of course. Why not?
I did love him out of hope,
out of love. Why not?
It shouldn’t have been by that.


Photo by vonmedeza.