Epiphanies

On cooling off from yourself and being back again

How have you been? I feel bad for being gone for so long. Everyday and night I’ve been thinking of missing my blog and a free time for writing. But, to be honest, I have the following reasons for not being here for a while:

1. May is the final month in school. Mine ended last May 23, and I have received almost all of my grades for the last semester before my practicum. There have been unexpected things that occurred with regards to my academics this sem, but I have gone through a lot that I really don’t feel the need to be sad about these things. This is related to the second reason. Read on. 

2. I took a break from writing because I was anxious. These posts can testify: 

A lot of it was related to the broken heart I am healing. A lot of it still is. For a while, wanting to forget about the boy I loved and to truly, totally, finally move on got me thinking that I should stop blogging. That I should stop writing.  If I wanted to forget about him, about the pain, and everything that comes with it, I should stop talking about it in the things I write.  But, that is just dumb.  

I am thankful that I’ve been finding ways around my overthinking these days, in ways that empowers me and my happiness. As what is reflected in the poem I wrote before this entry, I realized that I have a new time, the strength to end things, and a chance to another start. We can start anew anytime we like, especially when we feel we are ready and strong enough. 

Finishing an overloaded semester whilst crying and breaking down 3x a day wasn’t easy. And perhaps, the fact that I was able to make it through means something. It means that I have been strong, and that to make it here, able to talk about it, write about it, and share it with you is also being strong. I do not mean to find ways to prove that I am strong, because I believe that we are all strong and do not have to prove it to anyone. I guess all that I am saying is that, all the pain and grief you have experienced will really find its ending eventually. And when that time comes, a stronger you comes out.  But more than being strong, you become more of a believer of yourself, of your heart, of your capacity to feel waves of emotions and to be able to appreciate them. Healing a broken heart can really change you in so many ways. I am still finding out mine but so far, I am in a good place and I am looking forward to be writing for myself and for you. Without any reservations whether I am talking about past loves or new hopes. Thank you for sticking until this part, and I am happy I am back. 

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