Five Songs

How It’s Like To (not) Feel Apologetic For Being “Too Much”

It’s nothing to be apologetic about, that you actually give a damn every single time. I‘m sorry if you happened to love and trust someone who didn’t want to go the extra mile to understand you enough to know how to handle you, and so just dismissed you as being “too much.” Listen up, babe. 

1. Love, Lana del Rey, Single (2017)

It doesn’t matter if

I’m not enough for the future

or the things to come ’cause 

I’m young and in love. 

I know it gets you second guessing the quality of your love. Doubts come skyrocketing your mind about the way you show your affection. Are you being too clingy? Too overly sensitive? Too dramatic? As much as you keep yourself from caring too much about the little things, you just can’t, and that’s okay. You have your reasons, and the person who claims to love you should be able to listen without judging you. Your fears shouldn’t be taken against you, your worries are supposed to be shared with you. You are not being illogical and emotional. You are allowed to feel what you feel and be who you are. Beside the person you love, the whole of you is supposed to feel safe. 

2. My Type, Chainsmokers feat. Emily Warren, Memories.. Do Not Open (2017) 

I know you’re not 

the one, but you’re all 

I want. People say I’ll get hurt,

I don’t know what they’re

so afraid of. I hate to say it, but

you’re just my type. 

You fall in love with someone and you know what it takes to take good care of every single bit of them. The good and the bad. No matter how complicated they are you never think of giving up on them so easily. Blame your blind optimism and your hopeless romance, but you believe that that is how love is supposed to be. That you commit. That when it comes down to making a choice, you include the people you love. That when you are afraid, you tell them so. They allow you inside as much as you give them access in the deepest, darkest parts of you. You believe in them no matter how believing becomes harder as you get farther. You don’t even think who’s loving who or who’s giving who more. You never ask for too much, and maybe, that in itself is too much for others to understand. It will feel unfair, but it is not your fault. 

3. Don’t Let Me Be Yours, Zara Larrson, So Good (2017)

Would you still love me with all 

the promises you made?

Would you still mean 

the words you say? Would you?

You know everybody makes

mistakes. Don’t let me be yours. 

It is not your fault if the person you love couldn’t keep his promises. It is not your fault if he failed to be faithful the way he said he would. If he said he couldn’t keep you because you are just “too much”, if he said that you’d be better off without him, if he’s giving up without a fight, it. is. not. your. fault. It will be hard and you will take it out on you. You will blame yourself and beat your heart up until there’s no emotions left in you. But you can’t take all the blame. You believed in someone as much as you believed in love. If you could love the person that isn’t for you, just think of how much you could love the one that is for you. You don’t have to belittle what you had with someone before, but it is not your fault if it didn’t come through. 

4. Dive, Ed Sheeran, Divide ➗ (2017)

Don’t call me baby unless

you mean it. Don’t tell me 

you need me if you 

don’t believe it. Let me know

the truth before I dive 

right into you. 

You are nothing “too much” to be handled. You are a human being who went through disappointments and failures that made you the person you are today. Whoever says that he loves you must do because he sees the most beautiful things about you. He should love you through the good and the bad and not only when it is convenient for him. He should know that nothing is going to be easy, that you are not going to be easy, but your love for him is going to be one constant thing in this fleeting world. Whoever says he loves you must let you love him the way you do. Through a healthy communication, nothing will be “too much” or “to less” as the two of you are committed to always meet half way. 

5. Now or Never, Halsey, hopeless fountain kingdom (2017)

Never pick up, never call me,

You know we’re running out

of time. Now I got to draw 

a line. Baby, you got to 

love me now 

or never. 

The truth is always going to be hard to accept, but the one who really loves you will never leave you. The one who truly cares will always stay. Or at least, will not leave you hanging. He will respect what you have enough to not keep you waiting, wondering what on earth did you do wrong to be treated that way. You are not too much for the right person. You are a person with a soft and a brave heart, which he is going to appreciate the most. You are going to be his person and he will be yours. You don’t have to second guess, you will never have to feel apologetic. He will love you for who you are and for who you will become. And however it takes for you to get there, he will stick with you, because that is what true love does. 

Photography by vonmedeza

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